Sweet Esther and I hugged and cried together as we sat on the bottom bunk while I explained again why I could not take her home to America with me.
Do you remember when I first met you and how sick you were? Do you remember how your stomach hurt so bad because you were so hungry?” I asked. She shook her head yes, eyes dripping with tears. Think of how you are doing now, and how wonderful your life is since we have helped you.
I looked her in the eyes and said “Esther you know I love you right?” She looked at me in the eyes and shook her head yes. “if I take you home with me then my whole focus would become you and I would not be able to help the many children back here who are suffering like you were. Keeping you here, pushes me to always come back to make sure you are okay. If I leave you here, I am able to focus on fighting for you and for all the other needy kids who are so desperate for someone to help them. I need to continue to do this. Will you allow me do that? You will always be my special girl, but I need you to really understand this.“ She looked me square in the eyes with tears covering her face and shook her head yes, then she flung her head down and nuzzled into the bunk bed mattress sobbing. We were both a mess crying. All I could do was stroke her back for a bit and tell her I loved her. I then kissed her wet cheek and left in my vehicle headed to the airport deeply grieving with that good - bye.
This was so difficult and not what I bargained for. I never expected to be torn so incredibly by what God was asking me to do. Through the tears I felt God say to my heart once again that Esther represents the many other children who are suffering and who have no one fighting for them. If we do not continue to fight, then who will? It was time to stay focused!!
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