An emotional parting

Sweet Esther and I hugged and cried together as we sat on the bottom bunk while I explained again why I could not take her home to America with me.

Do you remember when I first met you and how sick you were? Do you remember how your stomach hurt so bad because you were so hungry?” I asked. She shook her head yes, eyes dripping with tears. Think of how you are doing now, and how wonderful your life is since we have helped you.

I looked her in the eyes and said “Esther you know I love you right?” She looked at me in the eyes and shook her head yes. “if I take you home with me then my whole focus would become you and I would not be able to help the many children back here who are suffering like you were. Keeping you here, pushes me to always come back to make sure you are okay. If I leave you here, I am able to focus on fighting for you and for all the other needy kids who are so desperate for someone to help them. I need to continue to do this. Will you allow me do that? You will always be my special girl, but I need you to really understand this.“ She looked me square in the eyes with tears covering her face and shook her head yes, then she flung her head down and nuzzled into the bunk bed mattress sobbing. We were both a mess crying. All I could do was stroke her back for a bit and tell her I loved her. I then kissed her wet cheek and left in my vehicle headed to the airport deeply grieving with that good - bye.

This was so difficult and not what I bargained for. I never expected to be torn so incredibly by what God was asking me to do. Through the tears I felt God say to my heart once again that Esther represents the many other children who are suffering and who have no one fighting for them. If we do not continue to fight, then who will? It was time to stay focused!!

We have moved our family and organization to Washington State. It has been a difficult move, yet at the same time amazing. We so know this is exactly where we are to be.

Yesterday I was pretty discouraged with the different hardships in our life right now, and I had to do everything I could to just hang on emotionally. I went to the beach and spent my time with God, and my hope was again rekindled. I was still a bit discouraged, but at the same time more hopeful knowing God was right there beside me.

My thoughts and emotions are all over the place and the need to just stay focus on what God has asked of us is extremely important right now. I made this commitment to myself and God again today and It is going to help me stay focused.

I am choosing to take 100% responsibility for my life. I only have control over 3 things in my life. The thoughts I think, the images I visualize, and the actions I take (my behavior).

If I don't like what I am experiencing then I need to change my responses. I need to change my negative thoughts into positive ones, I need to change what I daydream about. I need to change my habits. I may need to change what I read, who I hang out with, and change how I respond to other's actions.

(I got this from the book the success principles). Very helpful reminders on how to make positive changes in our life through our thought life. God of course is the ultimate source, but it is personal choices that will determine our success in overcoming different battles in our mind.